Day 3 installment of the 365 Journal: My Chair

This is my chair. It is my throne. It doesn’t look like much but it represents a lot and it allows me to do some of the things I love doing the most. For instance, from here I watch as my wife sits across from me and we argue and discuss and banter about everything under the sun. I see her sit so cute as she works her crocheting and poises herself for the boring shows I keep busy with at night. I watch her confront our teen with the “Why’s” and “How to’s” every teen is faced with these days. I watch her divine answers from him of questions he doesn’t want to answer as he sits and gives a blank stare as if that absolves him from all responsibility. I watch as she plays with our daughter and sends her running to me in fright. I watch her enjoy a meal I have cooked for her and I trust that she at least thinks its edible and doesn’t croak or gag.

Then my chair also allows me to do another thing I value so much. I get to relax at night as it is quiet and my head is clearing. The buzzing has stopped and NCIS comes on and I feel my head lighten as I finish a crossword puzzle and hear only the TV on low volume. Then rest follows and I soon fall asleep in the chair as I relax finally into slumber while the rest of the Everett camp lays sleeping in other parts of the house.

Then my chair also allows me to lay claim to my abode as El Presidente or better yet, the in house title of “Big Poppa”. When I leave for trips the oldest lays claim to the chair and draws a level of importance as the man of the house as well as feeling as if he has claimed something from the power seat without being chastised for it.

But the one thing I do from this chair I think I have enjoyed more than anything else. And that I am sure is because I didn’t do it with either child before her, is watch my youngest grow. From this chair I have watched her discover words, utensils, toys and body parts. I have seen her learn to jump and run as well as become even more self dependent until that “boo-boo chicken” becomes too much and she needs attention of a parent to make it better even though it doesn’t hurt. I have seen her scoot across the table with a pet animal toy in her hand as she set them in line and counted them from one to ten and back again. And I have seen her accomplish this feat in Spanish as well as English.

I watch the little girl sit and review a book not just for pictures but to exhibit understanding of what a book is and how it is to be utilized to the point she tries to read the words. She has learned shapes like circle, triangle and square right before my eyes. I have watched as I fought back tears when she discovers a word for the first time and smiles so big in approval of herself.

And as in a post from days before I watched her tell her first lie to me. Which didn’t hurt me but made me smile that my little girl is discovering so much about herself.

But one thing I saw that seems like so long ago now, yet still makes me cry inside every time I hear it, is when she tells me she loves me. Any problem I have melts away when ever those little lips mouth the words and make the signs that mommy taught her to say “I” (points to eye) – “Louve” (twirls finger around the heart in a circle) – “Daddy!” as she points to me and smiles awaiting approval.

And the reason this is so special is not because she is singling me out in this cutest of cuteness, but because she is like a sponge and is learning something everyday. One day she will learn more and something more and something more and she will keep growing and growing and eventually my little girl will be a woman. I am going through that stage with my oldest daughter now as she approaches womanhood. She is having the pains of being hurt and tested as a woman and it is so painful to me. And as I think that I did not have the chance nor did I make the chance to sit and watch her or her brother grow up like that and see and indulge that effort of every little accomplishment no matter how small, I get pangs of heart break that this will be just a memory one day too and I cant keep seeing the same wonderful things from her without her being exposed to the hurts and pains of the world.

I don’t want her to grow up and interface with this world and discover the hardships that are there waiting. I want her safe and constantly growing in my view from my chair and our little family just stays together and thrives as we laugh and smile and grow with no pain or problems.

But that’s not realistic. And my girl is growing up. I will remember and cherish these moments when my wife and I see her leaving for college and remember that little girl that stood in front of this chair, leaned in on my knee and looked at me when I was crying watching her and said “Are you okay?” Not knowing she has made me the happiest man alive because she and her mother have showed me what real love is and what it can do.

That chair provides me more than a resting spot. It is my window on a world that unfolds everyday for the first time for a little soul that loves me and needs me. And I have a wonderful woman to thank for that. That chair ties my family together forever.